“What if…?” – Will I Ever Know?

Do you ever sit and wonder what life would be like if certain things in your life went a different way?

I do. Probably a bit more frequently than I should. It’s easy to say “if I did this, then things would be different”, but how do you know that? There is no way to find out whether you would be in a better or worst position if you did/did not do something, or meet someone.

When it was time for me to go to university, I couldn’t decide if it was the right choice. I also couldn’t decide whether I should stay at home and travel each day (I only live 40 mins away!), or whether to go into the halls of residence at the university. I was a home bird. I had never liked staying away from home and my family for long, so we decided to book me into the halls of residence, and then if it wasn’t for me, I could move back home and give my room to somebody else. wha

Turns out, I loved uni and I loved living with my new flatmates there. I most definitely don’t regret my decision of moving away. It has given me the confidence which I didn’t have before, and a chance to meet new people and gain independence. I go home most weekends, but that in a way gives me the best of both worlds – I can enjoy uni-life, but also have my home comforts too.

But, it makes me wonder what would have happened if I decided not to give moving away to uni a go, and if I travelled from home each day instead. Sure, I would have made friends with people on my course, but I honestly don’t think my experience would be the same. I wouldn’t have met and interacted with so many people outside of my course like I have – in fact, most people I hang around with are actually on different courses to me. I also don’t think I would be as confident and independent as I am now. I had to learn to do things for myself and constantly be meeting new people. Moving to uni has given me an experience that I would not have encountered otherwise.

Of course, that’s not the only thing where I have “what if…” moments. I do about lots of different things.

What if I never met him… Would I trust men more? Would I be in a happy, healthy, long term relationship with someone else?
What if I never went out on my eighteenth birthday? Would I be less cautious of going out? Would my anxiety have never developed? Would I trust people more than I do now?
What if I never went to university in the first place? Who would my friends be? What would I be doing with my life? Would I have a full time job?

It’s so easy for these thoughts to go through your head, but the answer is that you don’t know. You don’t know what life would be like if you made different decisions. In fact, you will never know.

I’m sure everything happens for a reason, but it does make you wonder what the reason is sometimes, doesn’t it?



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