So today is basically my last ever day living the “student life”.
These past three years have gone so quickly and I really am so thankful to have had the opportunity to experience university. I have had lots of ups and lots of downs over the last few years, but I think they have all been completely worth it. The downs have given me that little bit more strength and taught me several lessons to learn about life. The whole experience has been one big learning curve.
My bedroom is practically empty now… I hate it. I am spending today and tomorrow blitzing our student house before kissing it goodbye. I lived in student halls for the first two years of university and then moved out to a student flat for the final year. This flat has definitely been my favourite… I really don’t want to leave.
I’m actually trying not to think about the fact that I am leaving, otherwise it gives me a lump in my throat and makes me feel really sick with my anxiety. I was like that last year when moving out of halls too. I wasn’t strong enough to say goodbye to my old flat. I had packed everything before I went home one weekend, and then that was it. I couldn’t face the thought of going back to move my stuff out and say goodbye, so I stayed at home whilst my parents went up to collect all of my belongings and hand my keys in.
That sounds really stupid… I couldn’t “say goodbye” to a flat. But honestly, that was basically how I felt. This was only a couple of weeks before I was diagnosed with depression, so that was probably one of the main reasons why I was so emotional about it. Also, I don’t think it was necessarily saying goodbye to the flat itself… It was more saying goodbye to the memories which were made there. My (ex) boyfriend and myself were going through a tough time at that point, so I don’t think I was able to let go of our memories which we shared together there.
This year I’m feeling sad, yet trying to keep calm about it. If I don’t think “this is it, it’s all over” and I keep myself busy then I think I will be ok. I’ve kept myself really busy this week by hanging out with some friends in the sunshine so that has really helped!
It’s going to be weird going back home. I go most weekends anyway – I have since first year – but staying there all of the time is going to be strange. When I first got an offer from university, I was still in two minds whether to actually go or not. I have always been a home bird, so the thought of moving out really got to me. I would spend my evenings crying myself to sleep because I hated the thought of leaving home, yet at the same time I wanted to have the whole university experience.
My parents were really supportive. They were happy to go along with whatever choice I made, and stated that if I move into student accommodation at university then I can always come home whenever I want. They are only a train journey away. That really helped settle my nerves a bit knowing that.
I am so so glad I made the decision to come though. It has been an experience I will never ever forget and I have made some friends which hopefully are now going to be friends for life. No matter what happens from here, I am proud to say that despite all of the issues with my health etc that I have had over the last couple of years, I have completed and passed my degree and am ready for what the future brings to me.