The Truth Behind My Abusive Relationship

When my friends used to tell me to leave my relationship whilst I still can, I never listened. They would tell me I was in an abusive relationship and it was dangerous, but how could it be when he had never hit me? How could it be when he had never threatened to punch me or tried to strangle me?

I understand now. It has been just under three years since we broke up, and I can finally admit I was in a abusive relationship. Everybody else could see it; apart from me. Because Love is blind.

When we first got together, things were great. I fell for him straight away and it was the first time I could honestly say that I only have eyes for him. Things were going smoothly, yet whenever we came to any kind of obstacle that affected our relationship, it was always my fault. 

Life as a Graduate!

On Thursday, I turned twenty-one and graduated from university!

Leading up to the day I should have been really excited, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t look forward to my birthday because I was so scared about graduation, but now that I have done it, I have realised that I really did have nothing to worry about.

Thursday morning, I woke up and bypassed the fact that it was my birthday. I didn’t want to open any of my cards and presents until I could enjoy it after the ceremony was over. I was a huge bag of nerves, but somehow I managed to keep it under control… Well, until I got my gown!

Once I received my gown and mortar board, reality sunk in. “Wow, I am actually off to graduate”. That was it for me – my anxiety completely took over and I had trouble trying to pull myself together. Where we collected our gowns from and where the ceremony took place, there was roughly a ten minute walk to get there. The whole way there I was trying not to heave whilst my parents were around me, supporting me and reassuring me that I don’t have to go through with it if I’m not up to it.

BUT… I DID IT!

There Is Never A Right Time To Say Goodbye

So today is basically my last ever day living the “student life”.

These past three years have gone so quickly and I really am so thankful to have had the opportunity to experience university. I have had lots of ups and lots of downs over the last few years, but I think they have all been completely worth it. The downs have given me that little bit more strength and taught me several lessons to learn about life. The whole experience has been one big learning curve.

My bedroom is practically empty now… I hate it. I am spending today and tomorrow blitzing our student house before kissing it goodbye. I lived in student halls for the first two years of university and then moved out to a student flat for the final year. This flat has definitely been my favourite… I really don’t want to leave.

I’m actually trying not to think about the fact that I am leaving, otherwise it gives me a lump in my throat and makes me feel really sick with my anxiety. I was like that last year when moving out of halls too. I wasn’t strong enough to say goodbye to my old flat. I had packed everything before I went home one weekend, and then that was it. I couldn’t face the thought of going back to move my stuff out and say goodbye, so I stayed at home whilst my parents went up to collect all of my belongings and hand my keys in.

A good cry can do the world of good..

This time last year, my world was falling apart and I was on a downwards spiral that just kept going down.

I tragically lost a wonderful friend who had her whole life ahead of her, my boyfriend (now ex) was going through a phase in which he was ignoring me for no reason but for his own amusement, and my anxiety and depression had become severely uncontrollable.

If you asked me this time last year “where do you see yourself in a years time?”, I wouldn’t honestly be able to answer. I couldn’t even see ahead to the following day, yet alone the following year. I couldn’t imagine ever getting out of the deep hole I had fallen into – as far as I was aware, there was no way out.

However, I have completely surprised myself. A year ago I would never have imagined where I would be in life today. To be honest, it was my family who got me through the traumatic times and helped me back onto my feet – their love and support got me to where I am today.

Five Favourite Posts!

For some reason, I haven’t had much motivation the last couple of days. Usually, I have blog post ideas pop into my head every day, but the last day or so, my mind has gone blank.

Therefore, today I have decided to share with you my top 5 favourite blog posts which I have written. I have now been blogging just over two months and have loved every single moment of it. I have had several fantastic guest bloggers who have also featured on my blog, but I have loved every single one of their posts, so it would be unfair and quite impossible for me to pick any of them to put in my top 5 as well, which is why it is merely just from the posts I have written.

Of course, I know that many of you may have already read these posts before, but I will be leaving a link to each post for those of you who haven’t read them and are interested in reading further!

Enjoy 🙂

1) “Eww, boys are smelly and gross” ..to.. “Woah, he’s hot!” … Are girls growing up too quickly?

I really enjoyed writing this post because in my point of view, it resembles the society where I live today. I feel as though children are growing up far too quickly these days, compared to how I was when I was younger. I was never interested in boys or make up when I was twelve years old, but a number of girls are these days, even at a younger age than 12!
This was one of the first posts that I properly spoke my mind, and it is also something that I am actually interested in. I find it fascinating how times have changed – I’m sure even I acted much differently to how my parents did at age twelve!
You can view this post here!

The Mistake Which Changed My Life..

I have made many choices which I regret throughout my life; however, there is one that seems to have made a huge impact on my life, in the worst way I could imagine.

It all began on the night of my 18th birthday…

I was enjoying a quiet drink with my friends at the local towns pub. It was a quiet Sunday night and there was probably only about 15 people max in the pub. I had 3 vodka and lemonades. This wasn’t much for me. I’ve been out with my friends many times before and drank much more than that. Plus, although it was my 18th, I didn’t want to get really drunk. I’d had an amazing day with all of my family so wanted to end the day having a quiet drink with my friends and actually remember it all!

I got up and brought my 4th drink of the night… same as before – vodka and lemonade.

Then…. I made the mistake which I will forever regret. I can’t believe I was so stupid.

‘Billy and Me’ by Giovanna Fletcher: Book Review

This is the first book by Giovanna Fletcher I have read, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Billy and Me follows the story of Sophie May – a girl who has always had big dreams of going to university and travelling the world, but has resorted in staying at home in her little village, living with her Mum and working in the local tea shop.

Sophie May lives a pretty ordinary life, but when Billy comes into the picture, she has no idea how much that is about to change. Billy is an actor who is currently working on a big movie which is being filmed in the town in which Sophie May lives. Sophie May has a secret which she has been hiding away for years, and Billy has big dreams to become a huge Hollywood success one day.

However, after he and Sophie May fall for one another, will Sophie May have the courage to step out of her ordinary life and into Billy’s world – a glamorous life constantly in the public eye? Will the constant attention from journalists uncover her big secret and leak it for the world to see?

Firstly, what a beautiful cover the book has. The silhouette of the town against the beautiful orange and yellow sky completely caught my attention straight away, as the colours really stood out and pulled me in. I had read so many positive reviews about this book, so I was really eager to give it a go.